Ad Absurdum

Found another Smiths tribute album and finally had enough time to listen to it. I don't know why I do this to myself. I really don't. Anyway, here's 'Wonderwall' here's The World Still Won't Listen.

I'm not sure if the totally inventive and original title should be a plus or not. Considering the contents of the album, it just might be.



1. "Shoplifters of the World Unite" - Dare to Defy
I was a bit unprepared for the genre I stepped into (yes, people, it's a Genre Album), so I spent this first song with this exact expression: o_O.
Um, the song was fast. Yeah, that's probably best this that can be said about it.

2. "London" - Down By Law
This one is similar to the original except for the guitar coda. The fact that you can actually hear the basisst is, of course, the highlight.

3. "You're Gonna Need Someone On Your Side" - Anal Cunt
Two simultaneous reactions occur while listening to this one: LOL and WTF? Seriously, it sounds like the singer is in grave danger of spraining something (he also sounds like a prticularly annoying frog with a sore throat). I'm almost worried. Apart from that, you won't understand the lyrics if you haven't heard them before.

4. "What Difference Does It Make?" - Subzero
Oh oh, I can recognise the beginning riff - that's always a plus. The vocalist isn't a plus, though. Interestingly enough, he also sounds like a frog with a sore throat but it's not as annoying as the previous one.
The bassist is crap, the chorus was changed, the harmony buggered off to parts unknown. All in all, a more pointless bleating has never been heard.

5. "How Soon Is Now" - The Meatmen
First impression: WTF is this?
*25 seconds in*: Oh, it's 'How Soon... . Okay then.
The vocalist really got into this, though I'm pretty sure that in the first chorus he sings "I'm Ewan..." - I haven't laughed like that since track 2. The lyrics in the subsequent choruses were changed too - to more coarse and more with the image of 'fuck yeah, we're so fucking hardcore, man'. Yes, perfect for The Smiths cover, but it brings to mind Satanism for pre-schoolers just a bit more.

6. "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" - H2O
This... is not bad actually. It does resemble the pop-punk Greenday aesthetics and the singer sounds like he's doing a parody of Mozzer's singing voice, but the drummer gives it all he's got and that's an attitude I like.

7. "Handsome Devil" - Sweet Diesel
Well, at least the beginning is recognisable. The vocalist is a bit annoying (funny, I seem to see a pattern emerging here) and he also sings "a girl in the bush..." - NO HOMO, people, just so we're clear.

8. "Bigmouth Strikes Again" - Slapshot
LOL, the band has got The Animal from the Muppets as their vocalist. Right, whatever floats your boat. You'll have absolutely no idea, though, what said vocalist is singing about (an educated guess would suggest the actual lyrics to "Bigmouth..." but you never know).

9. "You Just Haven't Earned It Yet, Baby" - Screw 32
Another Mozzer-vocal impostor, but the cover is not the worst I've ever heard. Also, it is entirely possible the singer cries at the end. Emo *trololol*.

10. "The Last of the Famous International Playboys" - Leeway
No idea why this one was included on the cover album since it's obviously Morrissey's solo era, but it too was murdered. The delivery and beat are very straightforward and this is not a compliment. The cover lacks the 'swing' of the original and if there ever was a time to mourn the lack of Joyce's drumming (as it almost invariably is with covers), it is now as well.

11. "What She Said" - Youth Brigade
Another Moz impostor. The song is pretty OK, though the second verse is a bit of WTF musically. No, I don't know either.

12. "Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before" - Vision
And here we've got a very nice day at the races, to use a quote (faster, man! Faster!). The bassist was all right, at least he tried, even though it didn't amount to much in the end. In a word: not the worst, though that instrumental bit in the middle was pretty unnecessary.

13. "Half a Person" - Edgewise
Hm, this one sounds rather threatening. Brings to mind a mass murderer with a grudge, actually.

14. "Panic" - The Business
Wouldn't know it's "Panic" without the lyrics. But it did have rather nice Slide-like, well... guitar sliding.
Also, the singer's accent is rather endearing. But it does not make the song a good cover.

15. "Sweet And Tender Hooligan" - 59 Times the Pain
Ow, my ears. The vocalist is a complete waste of time. The bassist tried to save the song and if you're feeling charitable you might say he succeeded a bit.

16. "This Night Has Opened My Eyes" - Home 33
Hm, and people pay to see their gigs? Seriously? Wow.
The band try their best to erase anything that resembles melody and harmony from the song. I don't know what it ever did to them.
The bassist heroically tried to save it. Didn't quite succeed. R.I.P.

17. "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out" - Walleye
Oh, you can recognise the song from the very beginning. How thoughtful. And the song is not entirely horrible. The vocalist gets a tad hysterical, but at least he sings what was written.

18. "Back to the Old House" - Lament
OMG, something slow and it looks like it's gonna stay this way. This is actually pretty good as far as the covers go, but then again, it's very straightforward and very close to the original.

And that is all. Thank God because I don't think I could take much more.


The review was first published in "Shopliftersmag" - an online Smiths fanzine that you can check out on: Google Docs or Issuu

So, the new Morrissey album has just been released and the other day I went to a music shop to see if they've already got it and think about maybe buying it. I did buy it in the end - I guess I just like to torture myself. The bloke sure left his philosophy of "we don't have to be violent or ugly, we can just be charming" or "it takes guts to be gentle and kind" a mile behind.
And then there's still the matter of court case and other things and I just want to punch him in the face most of the times.

And his bassists and drummers nowadays make my ears bleed with their utter mediocrity.

Anyway, yeah, I think I need to prepare myself mentally for this album first.

On a more positive note, during that trip I also bought Kajagoogoo's box set: two Kajagoogoo albums, one Kaja album and two Limahl solo albums. And that particular bout of insanity can be ascribed entirely to Whitechapel. Because there is Kent and his stupid tie with his stupid band pins (evidence below). I nearly pissed myself laughing when I saw one of the badges is a Kajagoogoo one and then I got thinking that it must have been the music of Kent's early childhood so maybe he's feeling nostalgic for that and he probably watched Never Ending Story when he was a kid and if he liked/listened to Kajagoogoo when he was little, he probably listened to Eurythmics and is so indoctrinated by Wham!'s Last Christmas he thinks it's not a proper Christmas until he hears it.

Greetings, my dwelling-in-the-same-childhood-music-landscape friend :D

Also, the above story shows once again why I shouldn't be allowed into music shops when I've got spare money on me.

Holidays holidays and then you blink and it's over. Anyway, listened to a fairly recent programme on EVR (archive) where Tony Fletcher talks about his new book - a memoir Boy About Town. Tony invited Andy Rourke for the second half of the show to sort of compare their growing up in England and their music journey through young adulthood. They began with Andy's metaphor - tasteless as ever :D - comparing big holes in the old singles to... well... other holes decidedly elsewhere. At least it sounded like Andy wanted to facepalm himself that he listened to Tony and said that.

Then it turned out that Andy as a kid had a big crush on Suzi Quatro and, interestingly, some boy-crush(es). Nice and convenient *eyes pen and paper with intent*. It also looks like Andy went to almost every gig with Johnny. And obsessed about Mick Karn.

Oh, and he did a "speed reading" of Morrissey's autobiobraphy. LOL, I can almost see those pink cheeks and pleasant surprise when he read that he was "very funny" and "good bassist". Missed the bit about "overfed Roman Emperor", though, LOL. I haven't reached that point in the book yet either, but I can say it does appear to be rather accurate if funny. Could be applied to Mozzer himself just as well, though.

And since we're on the subject of my favourite bassist, here's a short recent intervew with him. Love the bit about Johnny first handing him a bass and Andy's reaction :D

"" (Watch on YouTube)

Time for CD 2 of Please, Please, Please, a Tribute to The Smiths. Hm, it hasn't been a week since CD 1 - I must be tougher than I thought. All right, let's be brave then and without further ado, begin at the beginning:

1. Telekinesis - Sheila Take a Bow
Pretty similar to the original track except the vocalist has a whiny voice that brings to mind Liam Gallagher. Not an association I particularly care for, but that's a question of taste (or lack thereof. No sorry, I'm joking. Sort of. No, I am :) )
Otherwise this attempt falls rather flat, it has to be said.

2. Solvents - Is It Really So Strange?
Ouch, my ears. But I've never liked country, so the nicest thing I can say about this cover is that it's short. The melody is reduced to acoustic guitar, drums (a drum?) and a violin. And a guy singing into a metal bucket (seriously, the echo?). Oh, and then towards the end, a girl joins him in the chorus. What for isn't explained.

3. The Wedding Present - Hand In Glove
Damn, I like The Wedding Present, but I don't buy this version. Still, it's one of the better ones on this album. It's noticeably heavier than the original, full of distorted noisy guitars. Pity the bass line went out of the window, tough. The vocalist seems better suited for something other than this song too - there's something that just doesn't fit here.
I quite like the abrupt ending, though.

4. Mike Viola And the Section Quartet - How Soon Is Now?
As the name of the artist and the accompanying "band" suggests, this is indeed played entirely on strings. Quite interesting, especially how they did the "swamp" effect. And they even played the whistling :)
If only there was no singing. Then it might even be a bit more than bearable. The vocalist - Mike in question, I suppose - has got a really really annoying voice but, as always, you can't have everything.

5. Trespassers William - There Is a Light That Never Goes Out
Oh no, this is going to be a dirge. A slow dying in other words, considering the lyrics (see, see, a pun :) ) And this is probably just my problem, but I hate American accent in British songs. Even from a female vocalists with nice voices.
Also, the band probably are trying to put the listener to sleep. Quite humane of them, I'm sure, seeing as there are five tracks still left.
I don't know, some cover of this song could probably be good, but this isn't the one. There's no drama of the original, no passion. Remember the second verse? the one about "darkened underpass"? You can hear the hope and desperation and then quiet retreat in the words Morrissey was singing, in how he was singing. Here? absolutely nothing. The underpass is full of sleepy hipster kids, it looks like.

6. Girl In a Coma - Rubber Ring
Well, with a name like this, you have obligations. And what? And... you managed to surprise me.
This starts like another godawful country song until the vocalist starts singing. Then it gets interesting. I really like that woman's voice (Polish listeners may find it a bit similar to Monika Brodka. That's a plus, people). I could even go as far as to say I would love to hear more of Smiths songs sung in that voice, but the music would have to start being listenable as well. That might be a problem.
I like the ending - not as creepy as the original, which is actually good, and those whispers are great.

7. Elk City - I Know It's Over
At first it sounds like just a slightly cheaper version of Vini Reilly's guitar work. Then we have, umm, rhytmic pop. I do like the bass line here even though there's nothing left of Rourkey's sliding (forgive me, Andrew). A bit dance-y version - but fit for a decent indie disco - which is especially obvious in the chorus. And yet, despite all of that, I can listen to it without too much wincing. Amazing.

8. Katy Goodman - What She Said
You know, I'm starting to suspect the sole idea behind the music arrangements on this album was to make lullabies from the most energetic songs and vice-versa. I'm yawning for real now.
Also, I think the vocalist sings "what she read, all heavy books". Yes, she probably read encyclopedia, LOL.

9. Cinerama - London
Cinerama - the name actually sounds familiar. If I could only remember why. Anyway, maybe it's not that great a loss because listening to this cover doesn't inspire confidence in the band whatsoever. Remember what I said about the idea for musical arrangements here? that's right, another dirge. Only peppered with sound effects of a radio set being tuned (you know, the scratchy sound of foreign radio stations).
Whatever for, you ask? I have no idea. It doesn't add meaning to the song, it doesn't do anything actually beside being vaguely irritating. It's like the band got into the studio, got their hands on the sound library and took to it like a horse to hay.

10. Doug Martsch - Reel Around the Fountain
Oh. My. God. The drummer knows what he's doing. And the bassist too, somewhat (catch me, I'm gonna faint from shock). The guitarist indulges in wah-wah somewhere in the middle, but it can be forgiven.
This cover is probably the one of the most faithful to the original. The guys here don't try to make the song better / something terribly inventive / radically different / WTF is that? and it does them credit. It's a simple straightforward cover that gives you an idea why there can never be another band like The Smiths. Not for the lack of trying.


And thus we end our journey into this album's depths. Well, okay, it was more like splashing in a shallow kiddie-pool, occasionally encountering belly-upped fish, but you get the idea.

Good night and thank you.

Day 7: Song That Saved Your Life

Well now, that is a question of quite a mammoth calibre. And there's something wrong with it. It's quite all right to hear it sung by Mozzer (for those who don't know: it's from Rubber Ring and the line goes "and don't forget the songs that made you smile and the songs that saved your life") because the context there is a little bit different. Namely it's quite clear the 'saving' is figurative.
Now, on its own the question implies The Smiths fans are indeed suicidal and need a song to save their life quite literally. And I don't appreciate this implication.

Besides, as another man sang, quite poetically I might add (and I'd have never thought I'd say those words about one of the Gallagher brothers) "Don't put your life in the hands of a rock'n'roll band" and that's the advice we all should heed. Really, we'd be much better for it. Not that we will heed it actually, but that's one of the most useful things (if not the most useful thing) pop music has ever said.

Back to the question, it's This Charming Man for the simple reason of being the first Smiths song I've ever heard. I don't know if there's any other way this question can be answered, really. It has to be the first song you hear because then you discover the band, fall in love and put them in a position to save your life. Simple if a bit disfunctional. Or is it?

And with Day 7, the Smiths meme is finally complete. I bet you all sigh with relief. Yes, I do too.

Day 6: Favourite Photo

Hmm, I don't think I've actually got a favourite photo. There's a ton that make for an excellent fic fodder but a fave - nah.

This one, though, makes me smile every time I see it because I just can't shake the impression they all look at Craig Gannon in that empty swimming pool (it's that photo session with all 5 of them). Sort of like they're all trolling Craig "Swim, boy, swim!"

A bit symptomatic of all The Smiths + Craig setup, if you ask me.

Yes, I'm hoping to finish this meme before the end of this year. And sorry for spamming your reading/friends pages but it was all too good to miss. So, without further ado:

Day 4: Favourite Drum Part

With this I'm pretty sure my favourite is What Difference Does It Make?, the Hatful of Hollow version. The album version (The Smiths - their debut) is constrained, polished and kept to a painfully narrow unimaginative rhythm. All fault of John Porter who produced their eventual debut and who concentrated on Johnny's precious guitars to the detriment of everything else with perhaps the exception of Morrissey's vocals. Bitter? moi? Never.

Oh all right, maybe Porter's style and focus on Johnny really brought out what we've all appreciated about Marr, namely his stunning guitar-work, but the Hatful of Hollow's versions of the songs from the debut album really let the rhythm section shine and thank God for that.

Mike Joyce's musical roots were punk so it's not surprising he'd want to experiment with odd rhythms and below you can hear the result of that. Listen how splendidly the bass drum doesn't follow the bass guitar and how the stress is put where you wouldn't expect it. The only other drummer I can recall playing like this was John Maher from The Buzzcocks.

And if you need further proof that Mike was/is a brilliant drummer, listen to any cover of any Smiths song. The drummer always always fails to repeat Mike's original patterns.

Well, okay, have a bonus track: These Things Take Time from '83 Derby gig. I've chosen this one because the bass drum is especially clear here.

Damn, have another bonus track: The Queen Is Dead because the drum intro is a thing to behold. Also, this is one of the few Smiths videos directed by Derek Jarman:

So, it looks like 1/2 of The Smiths plays together again, at least once in a blue moon. And it's great, it really is, but why did Johnny have to choose How Soon Is Now? ? Andy's always said that they could never get the song quite right because of the effects, that it was a pain to play (and I don't particularly like it, so I'll complain all I want).

And more importantly, why does Johnny have to sing *tries not to cringe*? I get it that these are his songs too and he's got every right to include them in his gigs - much like Morrissey does - but Johnny's talents, many though they are, I'm sure, don't include singing.

Oh well, still, we've got this little lovely picture to look at, don't we?

Well, just one really. In addition to all those books from my previous post, I'm also in the middle of reading A Light That Never Goes Out. The Enduring Saga of The Smiths. And it's pretty damn fantastic. I really appreciate how it doesn't focus on Morrissey or Morrissey-Marr exclusively, but tries to tell the story of the four band members. Also, the beginning is really interesting: the history of Manchester and how it came to be a city such as we see at the beginning of the 1980's. Great read (even if I've still got 3/4 of it to actually read).

Some time ago Tony Fletcher read excerpts from his book in one of the bookshops in New York and later, in the Q&A part of the meeting, he was joined by Andy Rourke himself. I really had a good laugh at one point when Andy was comparing British and American Smiths fans. It's so nice to hear my fanfic descriptions of Andy's thoughts couldn't be truer if he wrote them himself :D

Found it by accident and it made me laugh (even though it's effing tragic because it's their last gig), so I decided to share. Because I've never seen Morrissey serenading his two guitarists and Andy actually reacting to it.

Shut up, I'm not obsessed.